PREVIOUSLY ON NIP/TUCK...
>> I´M AFRAID I´VE NEVER DONE
THIS BEFORE, PAID FOR SOMEONE.
>> YOU´RE ONE HOT MAMA.
I´M SURPRISED YOU TWO
NEVER WENT FOR IT.
>> I SORT OF ASSUMED
THAT YOU WERE STRAIGHT.
>> I KNOW ABOUT YOUR LITTLE
TRYST WITH JULIA, DR. TROY.
>> YOU DON´T WANNA PLAY THIS
GAME WITH ME. YOU´RE GONNA
GET YOURSELF HURT.
>> I´M MRS. FEENEY.
I´M FROM THE SHELTER
DRUG REHABILITATION CENTER.
>> HEH. REHAB.
>> YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP.
>> THERE´S BEEN A BED RESERVED
FOR YOU. YOU´LL BE THERE
FOR 6 WEEKS.
>> WHEN I COME BACK, SEAN IS
GOING TO KNOW EVERYTHING.
[WATER RUNNING]
>> WHY AREN´T YOU
IN YOUR SCRUBS?
>> [LISPING] AH, IT´TH JUTHT
ANOTHER TIT JO--OH. THORRY.
I FORGOT I HAD MY BLEACHING TRAY
IN. WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY
IS IT´S JUST ANOTHER TIT JOB.
YOU CAN HANDLE IT. I GOT SALLY
HERSHBERGER AT, UH, 10:00, I GOT
A MANICURE AT 11:00, AND I GOT
A FACIAL AT NOON. THE CAMERA´S
A CRUEL MISTRESS, MY FRIEND.
I CAN´T HAVE A HAIR, CUTICLE,
OR PORE OUT OF PLACE.
>> I TOLD YOU I´M NOT DOING
A REALITY SHOW.
>> FIONA WORKED VERY HARD
FOR THIS.
>> BECAUSE YOU PUSHED HER
RELENTLESSLY. COME ON,
CHRISTIAN. WE ALREADY HAVE
ENOUGH EXPOSURE THROUGH
HEARTS ´N SCALPELS.
>> HEARTS ´N SCALPELS. DRAMAS
ARE GOING BY WAY OF SITCOM,
MY FRIEND, INTO THE SHITTER.
REALITY IS THE FUTURE. IN FACT,
REALITY IS THE PRESENT,
ALL RIGHT? NO OVERPRICED WRITERS
AND NO ACTORS TO SUCK UP TO.
>> IT´S EXPLOITATION,
AND I WON´T BE INVOLVED IN IT.
THE WHOLE POINT OF THOSE SHOWS
IS TO MAKE FOOLS OUT OF PEOPLE.
>> THOSE PEOPLE ARE FOOLS,
ALL RIGHT? WE´RE DIFFERENT.
WE´RE DOCTORS, AND WE HAVE
THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW PEOPLE
HOW WE OPERATE.
>> YOU MEAN IT´S YOUR CHANCE
TO BE IN THE SPOTLIGHT.
>> YEAH, SEAN, THIS IS IMPORTANT
TO ME, OK? I´M A STAR,
AND I AM TIRED OF FEELING LIKE
A SUPPORTING PLAYER. ALL RIGHT?
LOOK, WE´LL MAKE IT INTERESTING.
WE´LL--WE´LL MAKE IT CLASSY.
ALL RIGHT, IT´LL BE
MUCH MORE PBS THAN VH1.
>> FINE. GO AHEAD. DO THE SHOW.
JUST WITHOUT ME.
>> I CAN´T. LOOK, THEY´RE NOT
GONNA GREEN LIGHT THE SHOW
WITHOUT YOU IN IT. THEY THINK
YOU´RE SOME KIND OF DRAW OR
SOMETHING. I DON´T KNOW.
[SCRUBS]
SEAN...
PLEASE? LOOK, JUST DO IT FOR ME.
[SCRUBS]
>> ♫ AHH,
MAKE ME
BEAUTIFUL ♫
♫ MAKE ME
THE PERFECT SOUL,
A PERFECT MIND,
A PERFECT FACE,
A PERFECT
LIE ♫
>> HI. I´M DR. CHRISTIAN TROY.
I´M A BOARD-CERTIFIED PLASTIC
SURGEON, AND THIS SHOW IS
ABOUT ME AND MY PARTNER AND
THE FASCINATING WORLD IN WHICH
WE LIVE AND WORK. HEH.
>> WHILE THERE ARE A NUMBER
OF PROGRAMS FOCUSING ON PLASTIC
SURGERY, HEARTS ´N SCALPELS,
FOR EXAMPLE, ON WHICH I PLAY
DR. PETER CASEY...
ARTERIAL HEMORRHAGE, DOCTOR!
HE´S GOING INTO SHOCK!
NONE ANALYZE THE WHYS AND HOWS
OF THE PROCESS AS MUCH
AS LOOK FOR THE FAUX DRAMA
IN THE SITUATION. WE´RE DOING
THIS PILOT TO REVEL THE TRUTH
ABOUT PLASTIC SURGERY.
>> SEAN I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER
20 YEARS. I´D SAY WE´VE SEEN
UP TO 40,000 UNDRESSED WOMEN.
YOU COULD DOUBLE THAT NUMBER
IF YOU´RE TALKING ABOUT
MY PERSONAL LIFE. HEH.
[CAMERA CLICKING]
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM
IS SPECIAL. EVERY SINGLE ONE
OF THEM IS DIFFERENT.
I THINK YOU COULD GO UP
TO A DOUBLE-D.
>> I LIKE THAT.
>> A "C," "D."
MAYBE EVEN A DOUBLE-D
WOULD BE FINE.
>> HMM. DOUBLE-D
SOUNDS DELICIOUS.
>> I THINK YOU SHOULD GO DOWN
TO A DOUBLE-D, SWEETHEART.
>> [SIGHS] CAN I GO BIGGER?
I MEAN, I´VE ALWAYS LOVED
THE LETTER "H." I EVEN NAMED
MY CAT HEATHCLIFF.
[CAT YOWLS]
>> WE´LL FOCUS ON THE HEALTH
BENEFITS OF PLASTIC SURGERY,
WHICH QUITE FRANKLY ALL TOO
OFTEN ARE BURIED UNDER MEDIA
SLANDER THAT CLAIMS OUR INDUSTRY
IS UNNECESSARY AND CATERS ONLY
TO THE WEALTHY AND VAIN.
>> YEAH. I THINK EVERYTHING´S
GONNA CHANGE FOR ME NOW.
DON´T YOU, DR. McNAMARA?
LADIES WILL BE LININ´ UP TO MEET
THIS STUD. HA HA HA HA.
>> WE´LL EXAMINE OUR PATIENTS´
PSYCHES AND THEIR BODIES,
ASK THEM WHY THEY WOULD UNDERGO
A PAINFUL PROCEDURE JUST TO
HAVE THEIR APPEARANCES ALTERED.
>> I THINK THE AUDIENCE
WILL FIND THEIR REASONS
VERY SYMPATHETIC.
>> THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS
REALITY SHOW AND OTHERS, SIMPLE.
THE OTHERS DON´T HAVE ME AND
SEAN, AND IN THE END, THAT´S
WHAT THIS SHOW IS ALL ABOUT, US.
AND WE´RE FANTASTIC.
>> ♫ WHOA, OH, OH, OH,
DON´T WANT NO SAGGY BOTTOM,
DON´T WANT NO DROOPY EYES ♫
>> ♫ UH-UH ♫
>> ♫ I´M LIKE A PIECE OF CANDY,
GO UP ONE MORE CUP SIZE,
EVERYBODY WANTS TO LOOK LIKE ME,
PLASTIC FANTASTIC ♫
>> ♫ OWW ♫
>> THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
WE DO EVERY DAY IS FLOSS.
JUST KIDDING. IT´S ACTUALLY THE
FIRST TIME WE MEET A CONSULT.
WE, UH--WE SAY, "TELL ME
WHAT YOU DON´T LIKE ABOUT
YOURSELF." IT´S A--IT´S A LINE
I CAME UP WITH. IT´S KIND OF
OUR SIGNATURE LINE.
>> ACTUALLY, I CAME UP WITH IT
IN MED SCHOOL.
>> NO, YOU DIDN´T. YOU, UH--I--
I CAME UP WITH IT, UH, GRUBMAN´S
FIRST CONSULT. I KNEW THAT SHE
WAS A WELL OF SELF-HATRED AND,
UH, SHE´D--SHE´D BE ON THE TABLE
FOR YEARS.
>> IT WAS IN WEINTRAUB´S
SEMINAR. YOU WEREN´T EVEN THERE
THAT DAY. YOU STAYED IN BED
WITH A BELLY DANCER.
[BELLY DANCING MUSIC PLAYS]
>> [CLEARS THROAT]
[WOMAN MOANING]
Both: TELL ME WHAT YOU DON´T
LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF?
[RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHES,
MUSIC STOPS]
>> MR. SANDS?
>> I DON´T LIKE THAT THE WORLD
WE LIVE IN REWARDS YOUTH
OVER EXPERIENCE.
>> YOU SEE, THAT´S WHAT´S
SO GREAT ABOUT PLASTIC SURGERY.
WE HAVE ABILITY TO GIVE
PEOPLE WITH EXPERIENCE
BACK THEIR YOUTH. HEH.
>> I´LL NEVER BE 20 AGAIN. I
KNOW THAT. FRANKLY, I WOULDN´T
WANT IT. UH, 20-YEARS-OLDS HAVE
THEIR HEADS UP THEIR ASSES, AND
THEY STICK THEIR DICKS IN ANY
MOIST HOLE THEY CAN FIND. EVEN
AT 40, 45, YOU THINK YOU KNOW
YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU´RE GOOD
AT, BUT YOU--YOU REALLY DON´T,
DO YOU?
>> THESE TYPES OF PATIENTS ARE
QUITE COMMON. THEY´RE REALLY
JUST LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO TALK
TO, AND SOMETIMES THE BEST THAT
WE CAN DO IS LISTEN AND ADVISE
THEM NOT TO GO UNDER THE KNIFE
AT ALL.
BUT YOU ARE HERE TO TALK ABOUT
GETTING COSMETIC SURGERY,
AREN´T YOU?
>> YES, OF COURSE. I WOULD LIKE
A NECK TIGHTENING
AND AN EYE-LIFT.
Sean: MM-HMM.
Christian: MM-HMM.
>> MAY I ASK, MR. SANDS,
WHAT TYPE OF BUSINESS YOU´RE IN?
I SEE YOU LEFT IT BLANK
IN YOUR QUESTIONNAIRE.
>> OH, I´D RATHER NOT DIVULGE
THAT INFORMATION.
>> KNOWING YOUR PROFESSION
CAN BE QUITE HELPFUL IN PLANNING
YOUR RECOVERY SCHEDULE.
BLURRED VISION, FOR EXAMPLE,
IS A COMMON SIDE EFFECT AFTER A
BLEPHAROPLASTY. UH, AN AIRLINE
PILOT OR A TRUCK DRIVER--
>> THAT´S NOT A CONCERN.
MOST OF MY WORK IS--UH,
IT´S DONE IN THE DARK.
>> SO YOU´RE A VAMPIRE. HEH.
>> NO, SIR. MORE LIKE
A MARQUIS DE SADE, A CASANOVA,
A LIBERTINE.
>> NATURALLY I WAS SHOCKED
WHEN MY PARTNER INFORMED ME
HE BELIEVED OUR CONSULT
WAS A MALE ESCORT.
>> I DON´T LIKE TO JUDGE,
BUT REALLY, OF ALL THE PEOPLE
OUT THERE WE SHOULD BE HELPING,
I´D HAVE TO SAY THAT
A MALE PROSTITUTE IS, UH,
PRETTY FAR DOWN THE LIST.
>> MOST OF THE TIME, I WOULD
HAVE TO AGREE WITH DR. TROY,
BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT
THIS PATIENT THAT MAKES HIM
QUITE A UNIQUE CASE, SOMETHING
I DON´T BELIEVE HAS EVER BEEN
ON TELEVISION BEFORE.
>> I DON´T WANT ANY DRUGS IN
MY SYSTEM DURING THE OPERATION.
I´VE BEEN CLEAN FOR 20 YEARS,
AND I´D--I´D LIKE TO KEEP IT
THAT WAY.
>> WE PRACTICE WESTERN MEDICINE,
MR. SANDS. UH, PHARMACOLOGY
IS NECESSARY IN ANESTHESIA.
>> WELL, IT´S NOT A PROBLEM FOR
ME, SEAN. IF HE WANTS TO FEEL
THE PAIN, I SAY WE GO FOR IT.
>> I ASSUME YOU´RE LOOKING
FOR A MORE HOLISTIC,
ALTERNATIVE APPROACH.
>> ACUPUNCTURE.
>> [CHUCKLES] I LOVE ALL THIS
CALIFORNIA, NEW AGE CRAP.
I MEAN, IT´S HILARIOUS TO ME
TO THINK THAT YOU CAN STICK
A NEEDLE IN YOUR HEAD AND THAT
YOUR WHOLE BODY´S GONNA GO NUMB.
YOU KNOW? IT´S--IT´S JUST
A LAWSUIT WAITING TO HAPPEN.
>> IF HE SIGNS A RELEASE AND OUR
STAFF ANESTHESIOLOGIST STANDS BY
READY TO JUMP IN, I THINK IT´S A
TOTALLY VIABLE REQUEST. I MEAN,
MORE AND MORE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN
TURNING TO EASTERN MEDICINE
TO TREAT A NUMBER OF AILMENTS,
AND WE DO KNOW AN ACUPUNCTURIST
WHO STUDIED IN CHINA.
[GONG]
>> WHEN SEAN FIRST ASKED ME
TO TREAT ONE OF HIS PATIENTS,
I MUST ADMIT I WAS QUITE
SURPRISED. I HAVE MY DEGREE
AT THE NANJING UNIVERSITY OF
TRADITIONAL CHINESE MEDICINE,
BUT I´VE ONLY ASSISTED
ON ACUPUNCTURE ANESTHESIA
A FEW TIMES.
>> WHAT? SEAN DIDN´T TELL YOU
SHE´S HIS EX-WIFE´S GIRLFRIEND?
YEAH.
>> I´M NOT SURE WHY MY OPINION
MATTERS, BUT, UM, WELL, I MEAN,
NO. OF--OF COURSE I--
I COMPLETELY TRUST SEAN
AND OLIVIA, YOU KNOW? I--
I FEEL THAT THIS PATIENT´S
IN VERY GOOD HANDS.
[BABY CRYING]
>> UH, I--I THINK I SHOULD
GO AND CHECK ON HIM. I´M GONNA
CHECK ON HIM NOW. OK.
[CONOR CRYING]
>> SHE´S STILL A LITTLE SHY
ABOUT P.D.A. HEH.
>> I´M NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT MY
EX-WIFE AND HER PERSONAL LIFE.
IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT
MEDICINE OR SURGICAL PROCEDURE,
I´M ALL EARS.
PREPARATION IS KEY BEFORE
SURGERY, SO WE´RE DOING
A DRY RUN OF THE ACUPUNCTURE
ANESTHESIA. DR. TROY
HAS VOLUNTEERED TO BE
OUR GUINEA PIG.
>> THERE ARE APPROXIMATELY
20 POINTS THAT CAN TRIGGER
ANALGESIA IN A PATIENT.
AFTER EXAMINING DR. TROY,
I´VE ISOLATED 3, AND ABOUT
A HALF-HOUR BEFORE SURGERY,
WE´LL INSERT NEEDLES INTO
LARGE INTESTINE 4, LIVER 2,
AND HEART 3.
>> WHOA. YOU´RE NOT STICKING
ANY NEEDLES INTO MY HEART.
>> OH, CAN I DO IT?
>> LIZZIE, KEEP YOUR HANDS
OFF ME, ALL RIGHT? I DON´T WANNA
CATCH THAT, UH, RASH FESTERING
ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
>> SURE, CHRISTIAN AND I JOKE
AROUND, BUT WE´VE BEEN WORKING
TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME.
WE DON´T MEAN IT. WE REALLY
LOVE EACH OTHER, LIKE BILL
AND HILLARY, IKE AND TINA.
[WHACK, WOMAN SCREAMS]
>> HEART 3 IS ON THE INSIDE
OF YOUR ELBOW, CHRISTIAN,
AND THE NEEDLES WILL ONLY
GO IN ABOUT A CENTIMETER.
YOU´LL BARELY FEEL THEM.
Christian: OK.
OHH. YEP. FELT THAT. [CHUCKLES]
>> THESE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.
THE ONLY REASON I MOVED OUT HERE
WAS BECAUSE THEY THREW
A BUNCH OF MONEY AT ME.
[CASH REGISTER DINGS]
AND THE GOLFING OPPORTUNITIES.
>> OK.
WE´LL SLOWLY TURN IT UP TO 100
HERTZ ON THE CONTINUOUS MODE.
>> WHAT´S THE ELECTRO-STIMULATOR
FOR?
>> IT CALMS THE SHEN, WHICH IS
THE PATIENT´S EMOTIONAL
EXPERIENCE OF THE SURGERY.
>> HEH. THAT´S RIGHT, LIZ.
>> OH, I TOOK A COUPLE OF
NIGHT CLASSES BACK IN MIAMI.
I´LL HAVE THE INTRAVENOUS
ANESTHESIA READY FOR MR. SANDS
IF HE FEELS ANYTHING, BUT I HAVE
THE UTMOST CONFIDENCE IN OLIVIA
AND HER TECHNIQUES.
SHE´S REALLY GREAT.
>> OK. CLOSE YOUR EYES FOR ME,
CHRISTIAN.
>> [SIGHS]
>> CAN YOU FEEL THIS?
>> OF COURSE I CAN. HOW ABOUT
YOU, OLLIE? WHAT DO YOU FEEL
WHEN YOU´RE IN THE SACK
WITH JULIA? CAN YOU FEEL HER
DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN SHE REACHES
DOWN BETWEEN YOUR LEGS AND
COMES UP EMPTY-HANDED?
>> I CAN ASSURE YOU, CHRISTIAN,
THAT WHEN WE ARE UNDULATING
IN THE SHEETS TOGETHER,
THERE ARE NO EMPTY HANDS.
>> HEART RATE IS 60.
>> YOU KNOW, I DON´T THINK
THIS IS WORKING, SEAN. I MEAN,
IT MIGHT MAKE GREAT TV, BUT, UH,
HOW DO YOU OPERATE ON A PATIENT
WHO IS SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER?
RIGHT? HEH. HEH. YOU KNOW,
OLIVIA, IT´S JUST A MATTER
OF TIME BEFORE JULIA GIVES UP
THE GAY GHOST.
>> YOU KNOW, OUR PRIVATE LIFE
IS EXACTLY THAT, PRIVATE.
Christian: MM-HMM.
>> IT´S FOR US TO KNOW AND
FOR YOU TO HAVE MASTURBATORY
FANTASIES ABOUT.
>> HO HO! I THINK SHE´S
TALKING TO YOU, LIZZIE.
>> LAY OFF, CHRISTIAN.
>> OH, YOU´RE THE ONE WHO SAID
SHE WASN´T A CARPET CRUNCHER,
NOT ME.
>> LIZ? YOU DON´T THINK
JULIA´S GAY?
>> UM, I, UM--I--I THINK
THAT PEOPLE CAN FALL IN LOVE
WITH WHOM--WHOMEVER THEY WANT,
AND, UH, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND
WHY JULIA FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU.
>> PATIENT´S READY,
DR. McNAMARA.
Christian: HMM.
>> I´M GONNA GO GET HER SO THAT
SHE COULD TAKE OUT THE NEEDLES.
>> YEP. GOOD WORK THERE, LIZ,
ALL RIGHT? I REALLY DON´T THINK
THIS IS WORKING.
>> I KNOW. I KNOW. IT´S JUST...
>> YOU KNOW, I´D APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU KEPT IT ON THE SURGERY
AND OUT OF THE BEDROOM. YOU
KNOW? I MEAN, YOU PROMISED ME
THIS SHOW WOULD BE PROFESSIONAL,
NOT EXPLOITATIVE, REMEMBER?
>> JUST TRYING TO SPICE THINGS
UP A LITTLE, ALL RIGHT? YOU KNOW
JULIA´S NOT A LESBIAN. THAT´S
WHY YOU´RE OVERCOMPENSATING
BY HAVING OLIVIA HERE.
>> WELL, YOU KNOW,
I´M TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE.
YOU´RE TRYING TO BREAK THEM UP.
>> LOOK, IF YOU WANT TO BE
SUPPORTIVE, ALL RIGHT, THEN TELL
OLIVIA TO TAKE A HIKE,
ALL RIGHT? AND WE´LL GET RID OF
GRANDPA. I´LL HAVE 20 TIT JOBS
IN HERE THAT´LL HAVE MUCH MORE
EYES ON THE TV SCREEN THAN
HIS SAGGY ASS? ALL RIGHT?
OH.
>> RIGHT.
THE RUN-THROUGH WAS
A COMPLETE SUCCESS.
HOW ARE YOU DOING, MR. SANDS?
>> JUST GREAT, THANK YOU.
Olivia: FULLY ANESTHETIZED,
DOCTOR.
Christian: THEN LET´S GET
THIS STARTED. HIT IT, TOOTS.
BECAUSE THE SURGERIES CAN TAKE
UP TO 6, MAYBE EVEN 8 HOURS,
WE HERE AT McNAMARA/TROY HAVE
A TRADITION OF PLAYING MUSIC
TO KEEP US DANCING.
>> 15-BLADE.
>> I´M REALLY GLAD WE´RE DOING
THIS SURGERY, DR. TROY.
>> I ONLY WANNA HEAR YOU SPEAK
IF THERE´S ANY PAIN, MR. SANDS.
>> MY COMPETITION´S GETTING
MORE FEROCIOUS...
YOUNGER.
Christian: WE GONNA HAVE TO SEW
YOUR MOUTH SHUT? GIVE ME A BOVIE
AND A 2-PRONG HOOK.
>> METZ PICKUPS, LINDA.
WHILE DR. TROY LIFTS THE SKIN
AND CAUTERIZES THE BLEEDERS,
I´LL SEPARATE IT FROM
THE MUSCLES.
Mel Torme: ♫ ON A SCALE OF 7,
YOU WOULD GET AN 8... ♫
>> WHY SO MUCH HOSTILITY,
DR. TROY?
WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
CERTAIN INFORMATION MIGHT
COME OUT, PERHAPS?
>> ♫ TILL YOU TURN OUT
THE LIGHT,
HE´S PRETTY FUNNY, AND IT
LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE, TOO... ♫
Liz: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> NEEDLES ARE NOT WORKING.
Olivia: HE´S PERFECTLY SEDATED.
>> I´M THE OPERATING PHYSICIAN.
IT´S MY CALL. IT´S BETTER
TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY.
>> ♫ UNDEFEATABLE YOU,
UNDEFEATABLE YOU ♫
>> RIGHT, SEAN?
OK.
>> I DON´T KNOW WHAT WHAT WAS
GOING ON BETWEEN DR. TROY AND
MR. SANDS, BUT FOR SOME REASON,
CHRISTIAN HAS A BEE IN HIS
BONNET ABOUT THAT GUY.
[BEE BUZZES, WHACK]
THE PATIENT IS STABLE, DOCTOR.
Sean: MAYBE WE CAN CUT AROUND
THAT LAST PART, YES?
>> HEY, [HORN HONKS]!
Sean: EDEN, THIS IS
A STERILE ZONE.
>> OH, YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED,
RIGHT? THEY ATTACKED ME
IN REHAB.
Christian: GET THE HELL OUT
OF HERE, OR YOU´LL GO SOMEPLACE
MUCH WORSE THAN REHAB.
>> YOU ARE A [HONK] LIAR!
YOU PUT THE [HONK] PILLS
IN MY BAG, [DONKEY BRAYS]!
YOU KNOW, YOU JUST WANNA GET RID
OF ME AGAIN BECAUSE YOU DON´T
WANT YOUR LITTLE SECRET OUT.
>> I HAVE NO SECRETS, EDEN.
>> OH. REALLY?
>> SHE´S A DRUG ADDICT AND A
LIAR, AND SHE´LL DO ANYTHING SHE
CAN TO SCORE SOME MORE PILLS.
>> LYING ISN´T GONNA
HELP ANYBODY.
>> WHO´S THE LIAR, SEAN?
YOU WANT ME TO TELL THEM ABOUT
OUR LITTLE MASTURBATION PARTY,
OR THEY KNOW ABOUT THAT, TOO?
>> [GASPS]
>> SHE´S A DRUG ADDICT AND
A LIAR, AND SHE´LL DO ANYTHING--
[SLOW MOTION] ANYTHING--
[NORMAL] ANYTHING TO GET
SOME PILLS.
>> I DON´T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT
THAT LITTLE BITCH EDEN OR ABOUT
JULIA AND LIZ AND OLIVIA AND
THEIR MUFF-DIVING BULLSHIT.
THIS SHOW IS SUPPOSED TO BE
ABOUT ME. ME!
♫ OWW ♫
>> HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
>> HOW DO YOU THINK IT HAPPENED?
THE REAL JUNKIES IN REHAB
ATTACKED ME. OH, AND I´M SURE
YOU´LL ALL BE PROUD TO KNOW THAT
I´M A PACK-A-DAY SMOKER.
GOOD JOB, EVERYONE.
>> I-I´M SORRY. DO WE HAVE TO
HAVE THESE THINGS HERE? I MEAN,
THIS IS A FAMILY MATTER. DO WE
HAVE TO SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD?
>> [WHISPERING] Keep rolling.
Julia: CHRISTIAN?
>> CIGARETTE BURNS, PROBABLY
SECOND-DEGREE. DID A DOCTOR
AT THE CENTER SEE THESE?
>> [SIGHS] THEY DON´T CARE.
ALL THEY DO IS CASH YOUR CHECK.
>> SO YOU RAN AWAY BEFORE
YOU EVEN GOT THE TREATMENT
YOU NEEDED, RIGHT?
>> THAT´S WHY I´M HERE,
[BOING] HEAD.
>> OH, OLIVIA, WHY DON´T YOU
JUST, UH, STICK SOME NEEDLES
IN HER, SEND HER ON HER WAY?
>> GO TO HELL, CHRISTIAN.
>> YOU JUST WANNA GET RID OF ME
AGAIN, BECAUSE YOU DON´T WANT
YOUR LITTLE SECRET OUT.
>> I HAVE NO SECRETS, EDEN.
>> OH. REALLY? SO THEN I GUESS
SEAN KNOWS THAT YOU ALREADY
[SQUEAL] JULIA.
>> UM, 20 YEARS AGO.
WE ALL KNOW.
>> HEH. NO, SEAN.
LIKE A MONTH AGO.
>> [SIGHS] HEH.
>> LYING ISN´T GONNA
HELP ANYBODY.
>> WHO´S THE LIAR, SEAN? WANT ME
TO TELL THEM ABOUT OUR LITTLE
MASTURBATION PARTY, OR DO THEY
KNOW ABOUT THAT, TOO?
>> [GASPS]
>> WHAT I BELIEVE EDEN LORD WAS
REFERRING TO IS AN EXAM I GAVE
HER AFTER A PREVIOUS OPERATION.
ANOTHER FEMALE WAS PRESENT.
IT WAS COMPLETELY CLINICAL
IN NATURE.
>> MY MEDICAL OPINION,
THE LITTLE BITCH BELONGS
IN AN INSTITUTION.
>> I--SOMEWHERE DEEP DOWN,
I KNOW THAT EDEN´S A GOOD KID.
I--I JUST HAVE NO IDEA WHY SHE
HATES ME SO MUCH. I´M SORRY. UM,
CAN WE S--JUST STOP A MINUTE.
I--I--UM, THIS CAMERA BUSINESS
IS REALLY INTRUSIVE. CAN I--
UM, I SIGNED THE RELEASE FORM.
OK.
>> LIZ.
>> HEY. HI.
>> DO YOU, UM, HAVE A MOMENT?
>> YEAH. SURE. WHAT?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, I KNOW THAT
IT´S NOT EASY, YOU KNOW, BEING
IN A NEW CITY, FINDING SOMEONE.
>> UH, YEAH. WELL, YOU TELL ME
ABOUT IT, HUH? YOU DON´T KNOW
HOW LUCKY YOU ARE
YOU FOUND OLIVIA.
>> YOU MEAN BEFORE YOU DID? NO,
EXCUSE ME. CAN YOU STOP TAPING
ME, PLEASE? NO, I´M SERIOUS.
NO, STOP TAPING ME NOW,
OR I´M GONNA JUST LEAVE. AM I--
AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR?
AHH! I´VE WATCHED YOU, LIZ. YOU
CAN´T KEEP YOUR EYES OFF HER.
>> WE´RE FRIENDS, JULIA.
YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE GOTTEN THAT
HANDBOOK YET, BUT 2 LESBIANS
CAN BE JUST FRIENDS.
>> WELL, THEN, I HOPE THAT YOU
AND I CAN BE FRIENDS AND, UH,
YOU CAN RESPECT OUR BOUNDARIES.
>> AND MAYBE YOU WANNA TALK
TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND ABOUT THAT
INSTEAD OF ME.
>> [SIGHS]
>> DO THEY KNOW ABOUT THE
OVERHEAD CAMERAS I HAD PUT IN?
UH, I DON´T THINK SO. BUT IT´S
PRETTY SEXY STUFF, RIGHT?
3 LESBIANS FIGHTING OVER
THEIR TURF IS RATINGS GOLD.
[PLASTIC FANTASTIC THEME PLAYS]
>> ♫ OWW ♫
>> THIS CREAM WILL HELP
YOUR SCARS HEAL FASTER.
[CAMERA WHIRRING]
>> WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? DON´T
YOU HATE ME LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?
>> I´M DOING THIS BECAUSE I´M
A DOCTOR. THIS IS WHAT I DO.
NOW, YOU´LL NEED SOME SURGERY.
>> SHIT. ARE THEY ARE THEY
GONNA SCAR?
>> NOT IF I´M YOUR SURGEON.
>> SEAN.
>> HMM?
>> I LIED EARLIER. JULIA AND
CHRISTIAN DIDN´T SLEEP TOGETHER.
I JUST--I WAS SO ANGRY,
I HAD TO SAY SOMETHING.
[GLOVES SNAP OFF]
>> [SIGHS] I´LL SEE YOU IN
A FEW DAYS, OK? WE´LL SCHEDULE
SOME TIME IN THE O.R. FOR
YOUR GRAFTS, AND AFTERWARDS,
THIS WHOLE THING CAN JUST
BE FORGOTTEN.
>> I DON´T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT
THAT LITTLE BITCH EDEN OR ABOUT
JULIA AND LIZ AND OLIVIA AND
THEIR MUFF-DIVING BULLSHIT.
THIS SHOW IS SUPPOSED TO BE
ABOUT ME. ME!
>> OK, WHY DON´T YOU JUST GO DO
SOMETHING GLAMOROUS, YOU KNOW,
LIKE GO SHOPPING ON RODEO DRIVE.
PEOPLE EAT THAT SHIT UP.
>> THAT´S RIDICULOUS.
I SEE THAT SHIT ALL THE TIME.
>> OH. OK, GO HAVE LUNCH
AT FRED SEGAL. OK, THAT PLACE IS
JUST CRAWLING WITH CELEBRITIES.
I JUST SAW JASON PRIESTLEY
HAVING A NOSH THERE LAST WEEK.
THAT´S GOOD.
>> YOU CAME HERE WITH NO CONTACT
EXCEPT FOR ME, RIGHT? I GOT YOU
THIS JOB, AND THAT´S THE BEST
YOU CAN COME UP WITH? WHERE´S
FIONA? GET FIONA ON THE PHONE?
>> SHE´S UNAVAIL, CHRISTIAN, OK?
SEAN PENN JUST GOT BACK FROM
IRAQ. SHE´S GOT DAMAGE CONTROL
TO DO.
>> THEN YOU BETTER COME UP
WITH SOMETHING FAST, BLISS,
ALL RIGHT? I AM SICK OF HEARING
ABOUT THIS HEARTS ´N SCALPELS
BULLSHIT. THIS IS MY SHOW.
>> I KNOW. I KNOW, OK? I WILL
THINK OF SOMETHING. I PROMISE.
[BEEP]
WHEN I FOUND OUT MY FIRST
ASSIGNMENT AS A LOS ANGELES
P.R. QUEEN WAS TO WORK ON
THE LAUNCH OF A REALITY SHOW,
WELL, I WAS BESIDE MYSELF.
SEE, HERE´S THE THING.
[BEEP]
REALITY SHOWS ARE MY JAM, OK?
CHARM SCHOOL, PROJECT RUNWAY,
HEY PAULA-- THE ONE WHERE THEY
SPEND EVERY EPISODE CONVINCING
US THAT PAULA ABDUL´S
JUST TIRED.
[BEEP]
WELL, I WATCH EVERY ONE, OK?
I´M JUST OBSESSED. SO SUDDENLY
IT CAME TO ME.
[BEEP]
WHO BETTER TO GIVE CHRISTIAN
ADVICE ON HOW TO NAVIGATE
A REALITY SHOW THAN THE BIGGEST
STAR IN REALITY TV RIGHT NOW?
OH, THAT´S RIGHT.
MS. NEW YORK HERSELF.
I´M SITTING NEXT TO NEW YORK.
[APPLAUSE]
SHE´S HUGE.
>> THAT´S RIGHT, HONEY. I AM
BIG, AND I´LL SAVE YOUR ASS FROM
CANCELLATION, BECAUSE I KNOW
HOW THIS GENRE WORKS.
>> MM-HMM. AND AFTER WE
EXPLAINED TO CHRISTIAN ABOUT
THE WHOLE NEW YORK PHENOMENON,
HE REALLY SEEMED TO GET WITH
THE PROGRAM. NEW YORK GAVE IT TO
HIM STRAIGHT. I LOVE NEW YORK.
>> I´M JUST GONNA CUT
TO THE CHASE AND GIVE IT
TO YOU STRAIGHT.
>> OK.
>> YOU NEED TO BE WAY MORE
INTERESTING, HOMEBOY.
>> INTERESTING?
>> LIKE, SERIOUSLY. YES.
>> INTERESTING?
>> YES.
>> SEE--[LAUGHS] COME IN.
COME IN. INTERESTING?
>> INTERESTING.
>> I AM INTERESTING, ALL RIGHT?
>> IF YOU WANT THIS SHOW TO GO,
YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO
CREATE CONFLICT, BE THE CENTER
OF CONTROVERSY.
>> CONTROVERSY, CONFLICT. OH,
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SO EVERYBODY
CAN HATE ME? IS THAT WHAT
YOU´RE TALKING ABOUT?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
EVERYBODY IS NOT GONNA HATE YOU.
JUST DON´T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.
>> [SIGHS]
>> DENY, DENY, DENY.
>> AND THEN JUST MOVE ON TO THE
NEXT THING. IT´S SIMPLE AS THAT.
>> DENY?
>> YEAH. I THINK THAT WHAT
NEW YORK IS SAYING, CHRISTIAN,
IS THAT PEOPLE HAVE VERY SHORT
ATTENTION SPANS, SO YOU JUST
NEED TO LISTEN TO NEW YORK,
´CAUSE NEW YORK KNOWS
WHAT´S GOIN´ ON, OK?
New York: YOU FEELIN´ IT?
>> [CLEARS THROAT]
COULD YOU GUYS, UH, JUST GIVE ME
A SECOND HERE? OK? HEH HEH.
BYE.
I CARE ABOUT JULIA, AND I DON´T
WANNA SEE HER GET HURT.
>> YOU KNOW, I SHOULD NEVER
HAVE LET...
Christian: WHAT´S GOIN´ ON HERE?
>> OLIVIA ANYWHERE NEAR YOU.
YOU ARE A BITTER, DRIED-UP--
>> WHAT IS--WHAT?
>> PLEASE!
>> ♫ PLASTIC FANTASTIC ♫
>> ♫ WHOA, OH,
PLASTIC FANTASTIC ♫
>> HOW WE FEELING, MR. SANDS?
>> I THOUGHT YOU HAD FORGOTTEN
ABOUT ME, DR. TROY. OR DID YOU
STAY AWAY ON PURPOSE?
>> I HEARD YOU ASKED FOR
SOME MORPHINE. WHAT HAPPENED?
ACUPUNCTURE NOT THE ANSWER YOU
THOUGHT IT WOULD BE? THERE ARE
SOME SIDE EFFECTS TO MORPHINE.
THEY INCLUDE HALLUCINATIONS,
DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR.
>> THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY
ENVIRONMENT. THE PEACE AND QUIET
THAT ACUPUNCTURE REQUIRES FOR
SUCCESS ARE NONEXISTENT HERE.
>> KEEP SAYING THAT, MR. SANDS.
>> IF I DEVELOP AN ADDICTION
TO THESE PAINKILLERS,
I´LL BE SAYING LOTS OF THINGS
TO MY LAWYER.
>> TO BE FAIR, YOU DID REQUEST
A SERVICE THAT OUR ACUPUNCTURIST
COULDN´T PROVIDE. WE´VE DECIDED
TO EAT THE COSTS. YOUR PROCEDURE
IS FREE OF CHARGE.
>> THAT SEEMS FAIR.
MARVELOUS. I COULD BE 44 AGAIN,
DON´T YOU THINK?
>> 45 AT THE MOST.
>> REMOVE THE WRINKLES, NOT THE
WISDOM. YOU AND YOUR PARTNER
HAVE DONE A VERY GOOD JOB.
THIS PUTS ME BACK ON THE GAME.
WILL I BE SEEING YOU
ON THE PLAYING FIELD?
>> THE ONLY PLAYING FIELD I HAVE
IS THAT SURGICAL TABLE
BACK IN THERE.
>> LET´S KEEP IT THAT WAY.
THIS TOWN ISN´T BIG ENOUGH
FOR THE BOTH OF US.
>> HEH. DOESN´T HE LOOK
FANTASTIC? PATIENT SATISFACTION
IS A PRIORITY HERE
AT McNAMARA/TROY. TELL ME,
ARE YOU SATISFIED, MR. SANDS?
>> VERY.
AS IT TURNS OUT, DR. TROY
IS AN EXCELLENT DOCTOR.
HE´S NOT WHO I THOUGHT HE´D BE.
ACTUALLY I COULD PROBABLY
SEND HIM SOME WORK. ON SECOND
THOUGHTS, MAYBE NOT. HE DOESN´T
REALLY SEEM TO NEED ANY HELP,
NOW, DOES HE?
>> WHILE EDEN LORD WAS NOT
ORIGINALLY SCHEDULED TO BE A
PATIENT, SHE DOES NEED OUR HELP.
HER FOREARMS WERE BADLY SCARRED
IN AN ACCIDENT, SO WE´RE GONNA
GRAFT SOME SKIN FROM THE BACK OF
HER THIGHS AND SEW IT ONTO HER
FOREARMS. HERE YOU CAN SEE WHAT
I´M TALKING ABOUT. WE PICK AN
AREA OF UNAFFECTED SKIN, SHAVE
IT OFF, AND THEN ROLL IT THROUGH
THIS MACHINE HERE, WHICH CREATES
A MESHLIKE QUALITY, ALLOWING THE
SKIN TO EXPAND WHEN SUTURED
TO THE AFFECTED AREA--
>> WHERE ARE YOU?! LIZ! LIZ!
SHE´S IN HERE--GODDAMN IT.
[GASPS] OLIVIA, GODDAMN IT,
HOW COULD YOU?
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHAT´S WRONG?
>> AND OF ALL THE PEOPLE THAT
YOU HAD TO CHOOSE, LIZ AND HERE?
>> SLOW DOWN, JULIA.
>> WHAT, WERE YOU HOPING--
>> YOU DON´T KNOW WHAT
YOU´RE TALKING ABOUT.
>> OH, DON´T EVEN, YOU KNOW?
YOU KNOW, I SHOULD NEVER
HAVE LET...
Christian: WHAT´S GOIN´ ON HERE?
>> OLIVIA ANYWHERE NEAR YOU.
YOU ARE A BITTER, DRIED-UP--
>> WHAT IS--WHAT?
>> PLEASE!
>> NO! YOU LOOKED ME IN THE
FACE, AND YOU TOLD ME THAT
"LESBIANS COULD BE FRIENDS."
I MEAN, I JUST CAN´T BELIEVE
THAT I FELL FOR IT.
>> OK, WHO TOLD YOU WHAT?
>> I--
>> YOU WEREN´T EVEN THERE,
CHRISTIAN! COME ON. GET IN HERE.
>> JUST GET OFF ME.
>> GET IN.
>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
WASN´T EVEN THERE
TO SEE WHAT, LIZ?
>> IT´S NOT--IT´S NOT HER FAULT.
DON´T BLAME OLIVIA. IT--
THOSE WERE MY LIPS.
>> YOU DON´T NEED TO DEFEND ME,
LIZ. I KISSED HER, OK? I WAS
HURT AND CONFUSED AND IN NEED
OF SOME KIND OF COMFORT.
LOOK, I SCREWED UP, OK?
I SCREWED UP, BUT SO HAVE YOU.
>> NO. LOOK, I´M SORRY, BUT YOU
KNOW, WHEN I TOLD YOU ABOUT
THE INDISCRETIONS THAT I´VE HAD
SINCE WE´VE BEEN TOGETHER--
YOU KNOW, I KNOW I´M NOT
PERFECT, BUT I THOUGHT YOU
UNDERSTOOD. I TRUSTED YOU.
I WISH YOU´D TRUSTED ME.
>> WHAT--WHAT INDISCRETIONS?
>> LISTEN, LIZ, LIZ, LIZ,
DON´T INTERRUPT PEOPLE
WHEN THEY´RE TRYING TO MAKE
A RECONCILIATION, ALL RIGHT?
>> NOTHING MORE. IT MEANT
NOTHING. GOD, YOU HAVE BEEN
SO UNAVAILABLE TO ME LATELY. I--
I DON´T KNOW IF IT´S THE CAMERAS
OR--OR WHAT, BUT SOMETIMES
WHEN I´M WITH YOU, I HAVE
NEVER FELT MORE ALONE.
>> LOOK, I JUST--CAN WE--
NOT HERE. PLEASE.
>> OK, OK. TURN IT OFF.
THE SHOW´S OVER. TURN IT OFF.
>> GOD, YOU HAVE BEEN SO
UNAVAILABLE TO ME LATELY. I--
I DON´T KNOW IF IT´S THE CAMERAS
OR--OR WHAT, BUT SOMETIMES WHEN
I´M WITH YOU, I HAVE NEVER
FELT MORE ALONE.
>> LOOK, I JUST--CAN WE--
NOT HERE. PLEASE.
>> OK, OK. TURN IT OFF.
THE SHOW´S OVER. TURN IT OFF.
THIS IS THE CUT THEY WANNA AIR?
>> MM-HMM. THE PRODUCERS LOVE
IT. THEY WON´T CHANGE A FRAME
AND WON´T CONSIDER ANY EDITS.
WE´RE SCREWED.
>> I KNEW WE SHOULDN´T DO THIS.
I DID THIS FOR YOU. YOU FIX IT.
>> OH, COME ON. LIKE YOU DON´T
LOVE BEING MR. FAMOUS PLASTIC
SURGEON. THERE´S A CAMERA AROUND
THESE DAYS, YOU´RE LIKE A
HEAT-SEEKING MISSILE. I WOULDN´T
BE SURPRISED IF I TURN ON
THE TV NEXT YEAR AND FIND YOU
ON CELEBRITY FIT CLUB.
>> I AM NOT FAT. I´M IN
TERRIFIC SHAPE, AND I DON´T NEED
TO GO ON THAT SHOW! I HAVE
STANDARDS, YOU IDIOT!
>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I´M SORRY, OK? I THOUGHT
GETTING THAT TV SHOW WOULD EVEN
THE PLAYING FIELD. I´M SORRY
THAT I SINGLE-HANDEDLY DESTROYED
OUR REPUTATION.
>> WELL, NOBODY MADE ME SIGN THE
CONSENT FORM. I ADMIT IT. I LIKE
GETTING ATTENTION. AFTER YEARS
IN YOUR SHADOW, I LIKED BEING
IN THE LIMELIGHT. I´VE BECOME
DEEPLY SUPERFICIAL, HAVEN´T I?
I´VE GONE HOLLYWOOD.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?
>> WE HAVE TO MOVE BACK
TO MIAMI.
>> THEY HAVE CABLE TELEVISION
IN MIAMI, TOO.
>> THEN WE CAN´T SHOOT
ANY MORE EPISODES.
>> WE´RE CONTRACTED TO DO 13.
>> WELL, THEN, WE´RE SCREWED.
>> THERE´S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
>> YOU´RE RIGHT. WE GOTTA HANG
FIONA AND THAT DUMB-ASS
BLISS BERGER BY THEIR PRESS-ON
FINGERNAILS. HEH.
>> I DON´T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
>> THEN LET ME HELP. CRAWL BACK
TO FIONA AND TELL HER
THAT YOU´VE BOTH BEEN FIRED
BY McNAMARA/TROY.
>> THE SHOW IS A COMPLETE
EMBARRASSMENT. IT´S NOT ABOUT
DOCTORS. IT´S ABOUT 2 SEX-CRAZED
LUNATICS AND THEIR CRAZY FAMILY.
>> IF PEOPLE WANT TO WATCH
A CHEESY SOAP, THEY CAN WATCH
HEARTS ´N SCALPELS.
>> YOU HID CAMERAS
WITHOUT OUR CONSENT.
>> SORRY, BUT WATCHING YOU GUYS
INTERACT WHEN YOU THINK
NO ONE´S WATCHING IS WHERE
ALL THE ACTION IS.
>> WELL, DURING SURGERY, FINE,
BUT NOT WITH OUR WIVES AND
CHILDREN AND FRIENDS. THIS SHOW
WILL HURT PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES.
>> AND WE HAVE TO DO 12 MORE OF
THESE THINGS BECAUSE WE SIGNED
THAT CONSENT FORM. YOU DIDN´T
PROTECT US. YOU SCREWED US.
>> SO YOU WOULDN´T AGREE
TO ANY MORE RESHOOTS,
THAT SORT OF THING?
>> NO.
>> WELL, THEN, FINE. HEY, GOOD
NEWS. THE SHOW´S NOT HAPPENING.
I HOPE YOU´RE HAPPY. YOU KNOW,
YOU COULD HAVE BECOME HUGE STARS
FROM THIS.
>> WAIT A MINUTE. YOU GOT US
OUT OF IT?
>> I DIDN´T HAVE TO. THE NETWORK
TESTED THE SHOW THIS MORNING.
>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WAIT A SECOND. THE NETWORK
TESTED US? HOW HIGH´D WE SCORE?
BET YOU WE SCORED HUGE.
>> ACTUALLY, KILLER, IT WAS JUST
THE OPPOSITE. LET´S HAVE A LOOK.
THE TEST AUDIENCE RATED YOU LOW
ON THE LIKABILITY SCALE, UH,
A 2 ON A 1-TO-10 SCALE. AND THEY
THOUGHT THE TONE OF THE SHOW
WAS, AND I QUOTE, "PUSHING
CREDIBILITY." SAID ONE TESTER,
A MRS. LOIS GENE, "THIS SHOW
JUMPED THE SHARK 5 MINUTES
INTO THE PILOT." END QUOTE.
THE, UH, LESBIANS TESTED HIGH,
THOUGH. THEY ALWAYS DO.
GUYS FIND THAT HOT.
>> WHAT? THIS IS BULLSHIT.
WE´RE HOT! YOU TELL HER, SEAN.
>> SO WE´RE NOT PICKED UP?
>> NOPE. THE SHOW´S NOT
HAPPENING, ESPECIALLY WITHOUT
RESHOOTS, SO THANKS FOR KILLIN´
MY BABY. I APPRECIATE IT.
OH, AND, UH, BY THE WAY, BOYS,
BEFORE YOU CONSIDER FIRING
MYSELF AND MS. McNEIL, I SUGGEST
YOU WAIT A BEAT. IF THIS REPORT
GETS LEAKED TO THE BLOGGERS--AND
IT WILL--YOU´LL NEED SOMEBODY
AROUND TO DO DAMAGE CONTROL.
>> [SIGHS]
I THOUGHT WE WERE KINDA CUTE.
>> WELL, ME, TOO.
>> [SIGHS] HOW MUCH YOU THINK
IT COSTS FOR RESHOOTS?
Julia: BUT YOU KNOW, WHEN I TOLD
YOU ABOUT THE INDISCRETIONS
THAT I´VE HAD SINCE WE´VE
BEEN TOGETHER--YOU KNOW, I--
I KNOW I´M NOT PERFECT--
WHEN I TOLD YOU ABOUT
THE INDISCRETIONS THAT I´VE HAD
SINCE WE´VE BEEN TOGETHER--YOU
KNOW, I--I KNOW I´M NOT PERFECT,
BUT I THOUGHT YOU UNDERSTOOD.
WHEN I TOLD YOU ABOUT
THE INDISCRETIONS THAT I´VE HAD
SINCE WE´VE BEEN TOGETHER--
YOU KNOW, I--I KNOW I´M NOT
PERFECT, BUT I THOUGHT
YOU UNDERSTOOD. I TRUSTED YOU.
I WISH YOU´D TRUSTED ME.
[GRINDING]
>> WHAT I DON´T GET IS HOW
YOU KNEW ABOUT OLIVIA AND ME,
AND YOU WERE NOWHERE AROUND
WHEN WE KISSED.
>> MAYBE A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD
ME. MAYBE I HAVE A HIDDEN CAMERA
OF MY OWN.
>> OH, YEAH?
WHERE DID IT HAPPEN?
>> IN THE LADIES´ BATHROOM.
>> OH, YOU HAVE A HIDDEN CAMERA
IN THE LADIES´ BATHROOM.
>> HOW ELSE WOULD I KNOW
YOU HAVE STRETCH MARKS?
LOOK, I ADMIT I WAS SHOCKED
TO FIND OUT THAT OLIVIA KISSED
YOU FIRST, AND I WAS EVEN MORE
PISSED THAT THEY DIDN´T CAPTURE
MY REACTION ON CAMERA, BECAUSE I
THINK IT WOULD HAVE MADE FOR
BRILLIANT TELEVISION. BUT I´M
NOT SURPRISED THAT OLIVIA MADE
THE FIRST MOVE, BECAUSE DESPITE
YOUR FLAWS--AND YOU HAVE MANY--
TRUST ME, YOU ARE STILL A VERY
CUTE LITTLE CUPCAKE. OH, I AM
SO HAPPY THOSE CAMERAS AREN´T
AROUND ANYMORE. AREN´T YOU?
WE CAN FINALLY GET LIFE
AROUND HERE BACK TO NORMAL.
AND IN THE SPIRIT OF NORMALCY,
I THINK YOU SHOULD INSULT ME.
>> OH, NO, NO, NO. NO, I AM DONE
WITH NAME-CALLING, CHRISTIAN.
>> OH, COME ON, LIZZIE. I JUST
APOLOGIZED. YOU CAN´T STILL BE
MAD AT ME. BESIDES, YOU´RE THE
ONE WHO KEPT LYING ABOUT YOUR
CRUSH ON MISS MUFFIN MUNCHER.
>> YOU KNOW, CHRISTIAN,
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LIE TO
PROTECT OTHER PEOPLE´S FEELINGS.
YOU KNOW I DON´T THINK JULIA´S
A LESBIAN, BUT THERE´S NO REASON
OLIVIA HAS TO KNOW THAT.
>> YOU´RE RIGHT. I GUESS
SHE WOULD HAVE FIGURED IT OUT
ON HER OWN.
>> YOU KNOW, IN A PERFECT WORLD,
YOU´D BE WITH JULIA, AND I WOULD
RIDE OFF INTO THE SUNSET WITH
OLIVIA, BUT MAYBE THAT´S NOT THE
WAY IT´S MEANT TO HAPPEN, HUH?
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
>> HOW ARE THE ARMS?
>> [SIGHS] THEY ITCH LIKE HELL,
SEAN.
>> ALL RIGHT. LET´S, UH,
GIVE THE GRAFT SOME AIR.
HEY, EASY, EASY. YOU´LL RIP
YOUR STITCHES. THEY LOOK LIKE
THEY´RE HEALING WELL. YOU JUST
CAN´T SCRATCH LIKE THAT.
>> WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
MY MOM SAYS I HAVE TO GO
TO PUBLIC SCHOOL NOW.
>> I THINK THAT COULD
BE GOOD FOR YOU.
>> ARE YOU INSANE? I DON´T
BELONG IN PUBLIC SCHOOL.
I WON´T SURVIVE.
>> WHERE DO YOU BELONG, THEN?
>> NOWHERE, I GUESS.
OR MAYBE WITH YOU.
YOU´RE THE ONLY ONE WHO´S EVEN
PRETENDED TO BE NICE TO ME.
PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE ELSE
WANTS ME TO GO TO HELL.
>> YOU NEED TO GET SOME REST.
>> WAIT.
WILL YOU STAY WITH ME,
JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE?
>> MAYBE FOR A MOMENT.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[DOOR OPENS]
>> SO IS THIS IT?
YOU´RE MOVING OUT?
>> IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
>> OF COURSE NOT. I WANT TO BE
WITH YOU, BUT FIRST YOU NEED
TO REALIZE THAT WHO YOU ARE
AND WHAT YOU ARE IS NOTHING
TO BE ASHAMED OF.
>> THEN WHY AM I SO SCARED?
>> [SIGHS] BECAUSE--
I DON´T KNOW. YOU´VE ONLY KNOWN
ONE THING YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
CHANGE IS HARD.
>> YEAH. BUT IT´S NOT THAT.
I LOVE BEING WITH YOU. IT--
IT´S JUST...
>> YOU FEEL JUDGED
FOR BEING A LESBIAN IN PUBLIC.
WHY DO YOU THINK SO MANY OF US
ARE STILL IN THE CLOSET?
IT TAKES A STRONG INDIVIDUAL
TO BE GAY IN THIS WORLD, JULIA,
A STRONG PERSONALITY.
YOU´RE VERY STRONG. IT´S ONE
OF THE BIGGEST REASONS
I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU.
>> I DON´T FEEL STRONG AT ALL.
>> TRUST ME. YOU ARE.
>> HEH. IT´S JUST SO MUCH EASIER
WHEN WE´RE ALONE.
>> WELL, THE CAMERAS
HAVE ALL GONE.
>> [LAUGHS]
PROMISE ME SOMETHING.
IF I´M EVER NOT BEING AS OPEN
AS I SHOULD BE, LET ME KNOW
ABOUT IT FIRST BEFORE YOU´D
RUN TO LIZ.
>> I DO PROMISE, BUT YOU NEED
TO GIVE ME THE SAME RESPECT AND
STAY OUT OF CHRISTIAN´S BED.
>> [SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
>> WHEN EDEN BURST INTO THE
SURGERY SUITE THAT DAY, DO YOU
BELIEVE ANYTHING SHE SAID?
>> OF COURSE NOT. STUPID LITTLE
BITCH´LL SAY ANYTHING.
>> SO YOU DIDN´T PUT THOSE PILLS
IN HER BAG?
>> WHAT? NO, OF COURSE I DIDN´T.
>> SHE TOLD ME SHE LIED ABOUT
YOU AND JULIA SLEEPING TOGETHER
AGAIN.
>> I WONDER WHY SHE FINALLY
ADMITTED SHE LIED?
>> GUILT, I GUESS. MAYBE SHE
FELT LIKE TOO MUCH DAMAGE
HAD BEEN DONE AND IT WAS TIME
TO STOP HURTING PEOPLE.
>> MAYBE.